How long do I need to wait to feel romance again?
How long does a person need to wait after a divorce, before they welcome romance and sex back into their life? A good friend of mine suggested I wait a long time, and really focus on myself. I trust them. I knew they were right. I want to love myself… But also, all I wanted was to connect with somebody, to feel their touch, to remember what it felt like, to get lost in those beautiful moments… I was struggled to not give in, so I did what we all do at this day in age, I googled it.
Oprah Magazine found me. The Best Tips for Reinventing Your Sex Life After Divorce. If you don’t have the time or need to work on the hours here is the summation: looking for love too soon might be a distraction from unprocessed feelings and who do you really want to be when you do finally seek love again. I can’t really say what it was, but something in that article just clicked. I stopped sitting in a chair dreaming about beautiful humans, and got up to spend some time with myself. I realized there were so many things I wanted to do, which I never made time for. I understood what my friend was suggesting. Do you have those people in your life? The people you trust, seemingly for no reason, but you know you need take in their advice. I’m grateful for that friend, as their words continually reconnect me to my truth. I want to grow into the human I dream of becoming, and that is the human I hope somebody will fall in love with. I have to grow into me first though. In these next 6 months leading up to the race (if you didn’t read the first blog about me running a marathon in high heels, here it is), I want to bloom in all the ways I always imagined.
Today… being myself is all I thought about today. I thought about all that I wanted, who I wanted to be, and how I wanted to spend my time. I thought, what do I need to feel self-confident, to love myself, to really feel myself (I’m told self-love is sexy….). I’ve always wanted to become a better singer, to dance more often, and of course, where beautiful clothes. I didn’t dance or sing much today, but I did go to Joann Fabrics. I’ve always wanted to make my clothes (especially after watching The Devil Wears Prada). I want to wear a Christmas dress this year, and after scrolling way too many unsatisfying dresses on Facebook ads (how do those know my life?!?!), I thought, what if I just make a dress. So, I got inspired and went to Joanns. Hours later, I decided on green fabric that might compliment my eyes. I’m exited to start on it and unveil it on Christmas (not sure what xmas parties look like during covid, but whatever, I can dream).
Today was so much easier than yesterday. I wasn’t overwhelmed about whether I would ever feel loved again. I wasn’t day dreaming about other humans, wondering if they were thinking about me. I was just living. I engaged my creativity and passions. I cleaned up “our” room, and it’s now on it’s way to become “my” room. I can’t really explain why today was so much easier than yesterday. And, I still really really wish for somebody to sweep me off my feet. But, I do think I found so much fulfillment in just being myself today, inside and out.
I still think about those humans; how beautiful, fun, sexy and cheerful they are… I want to feel those ways about myself though, and today, I think realigned myself with that journey. One of my first loves sent this sweet message to me, “It’s your spark. The pure vibrancy that fills you so much it spills out your eyes. The one you’ve always had that will make the right people come to you and love you for exactly you”. Today, I think I experienced some of that spark for myself.
With love,
Justin
